Sometimes it is so frustrating to go from having an incredible support group of friends around you to having very few.
At one point, you have people asking how you are doing, bringing meals by, offering to help with household chores, etc...
And then next thing you know, nearly everyone forgets about you.
I say NEARLY everyone.
There are a few who still remember. They still come check on you. They still bring you meals and offer to help in anyway they can.
THOSE are your true friends.
Some people get so into helping others. This isn't always a bad thing. But when you go searching for "bigger" and "better" situations to help with, maybe the motive behind it all isn't what it should be.
I have found that I have some incredible friends. I am thankful for the experiences my family has had to go through. It has helped us discover who we can trust and count on. It has made us stronger. It has made us appreciate our friendships.
The experiences have had an effect on me in both positive and negative ways. I am bitter. I am angry. I feel betrayed. But I have learned a lot about people.
Experiences change people.
Sometimes for the good. Sometimes for the bad. It's really up to the person who is going through it to decide how it's going to effect and change them.
I choose good.
I choose to cherish my friendships and to return all the joy they have given to me.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
In Memory of Ashley Rain on what would have been her upcoming 14th birthday
Help me celebrate Ashley's 14th birthday please.
This is an opportunity to help me heal and help me remember her in a positive way.
Roger N Niki Martin Fundraising Page - Roger N Niki Martin's Personal Page for The Fifth Annual Charge It for CHARGE
This is an opportunity to help me heal and help me remember her in a positive way.
Roger N Niki Martin Fundraising Page - Roger N Niki Martin's Personal Page for The Fifth Annual Charge It for CHARGE
Friday, November 9, 2012
The Show Goes On...
I think we all have those days where we feel like giving up; where it seems like no matter what we do, we can't win.
This song is one that helps me remember not to give up - to be determined and to not worry about the little things. I love this song.
Hope you enjoy it too....
My favorite part:
So no matter what you been through, no matter what you into
No matter what you see when you look outside your window
Brown grass or green grass, picket fence or barbed wire
Never ever put them down, you just lift your arms higher
Raise 'em 'til your arms tired let 'em know you here
That you struggling, survivin', that you gon' persevere
Yeah, ain't nobody leavin', nobody goin' home
Even if they turn the lights out, the show is goin' on
This song is one that helps me remember not to give up - to be determined and to not worry about the little things. I love this song.
Hope you enjoy it too....
My favorite part:
So no matter what you been through, no matter what you into
No matter what you see when you look outside your window
Brown grass or green grass, picket fence or barbed wire
Never ever put them down, you just lift your arms higher
Raise 'em 'til your arms tired let 'em know you here
That you struggling, survivin', that you gon' persevere
Yeah, ain't nobody leavin', nobody goin' home
Even if they turn the lights out, the show is goin' on
Monday, October 29, 2012
14 years ago...
14 years ago today, I was pregnant with my first child.
The nursery was decorated in pink and white. The baby bed was set up and waiting for it's new arrival. Pretty little dresses hung neatly in the closet. A stack of tiny diapers sat on a changing table beside a rocking chair. Everything was in place. Ready for the day Ashley Rain made her debut.
November 18th 1998.
I woke up spotting. I took Ashley's father to work and then drove myself to the hospital to be checked. I was 38 weeks pregnant so was excited at the possibility of finally meeting this tiny baby. I was admitted into the labor and delivery unit and was confirmed to be in labor. I was hooked up to monitors and given an epidural. I had absolutely no pain. Everything seemed to be progressing normally. Finally that evening, the dr came to deliver my first child. The labor went fine. The delivery seemed to go fine. But instead of giving her to me, the doctor quickly passed her off to a nurse who whisked her out of the room.
This was the moment that changed my life forever.
I kept asking for my baby.
I was told, "She's ok, just having a little trouble breathing."
After what seemed like hours, the dr finally came back in the room and informed me that my daughter had something wrong with her nasal cavities. They were transferring her to Birmingham to a NICU immediately.
The worst news any mother can receive.
I was just barely 20 years old.
I was so inexperienced at life.
I was so niave.
Ashley never got to come home. That was the last time she was ever in my hometown.
That was the last time some members of my family ever saw her alive.
November 18, 2012 would have been her 14th birthday.
Sometimes life isn't fair. But we learn from our trials. We learn how strong we can be. Even in weakness, we can find strength.
My storm isn't over. By far.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. Miss her. Wonder how my life would be now if she had been born healthy or even if she had just lived a little longer. All the "what ifs"....
The thing is, you have to learn to adapt to living in the storm. Every once in a while, the sun breaks through the storm clouds. Every once in a while, a rainbow shines through.
The nursery was decorated in pink and white. The baby bed was set up and waiting for it's new arrival. Pretty little dresses hung neatly in the closet. A stack of tiny diapers sat on a changing table beside a rocking chair. Everything was in place. Ready for the day Ashley Rain made her debut.
November 18th 1998.
I woke up spotting. I took Ashley's father to work and then drove myself to the hospital to be checked. I was 38 weeks pregnant so was excited at the possibility of finally meeting this tiny baby. I was admitted into the labor and delivery unit and was confirmed to be in labor. I was hooked up to monitors and given an epidural. I had absolutely no pain. Everything seemed to be progressing normally. Finally that evening, the dr came to deliver my first child. The labor went fine. The delivery seemed to go fine. But instead of giving her to me, the doctor quickly passed her off to a nurse who whisked her out of the room.
This was the moment that changed my life forever.
I kept asking for my baby.
I was told, "She's ok, just having a little trouble breathing."
After what seemed like hours, the dr finally came back in the room and informed me that my daughter had something wrong with her nasal cavities. They were transferring her to Birmingham to a NICU immediately.
The worst news any mother can receive.
I was just barely 20 years old.
I was so inexperienced at life.
I was so niave.
Ashley never got to come home. That was the last time she was ever in my hometown.
That was the last time some members of my family ever saw her alive.
November 18, 2012 would have been her 14th birthday.
Sometimes life isn't fair. But we learn from our trials. We learn how strong we can be. Even in weakness, we can find strength.
My storm isn't over. By far.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. Miss her. Wonder how my life would be now if she had been born healthy or even if she had just lived a little longer. All the "what ifs"....
The thing is, you have to learn to adapt to living in the storm. Every once in a while, the sun breaks through the storm clouds. Every once in a while, a rainbow shines through.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Long Awaited Update
I had started keeping a blog at another site though it is not the same as this one. This is the more "what's going on with my life" type of blog - the other one is more about emotions that I go through. Soooo I just realized I haven't been in this one in a year! WOW!
Here's what going on NOW....
I am 2 quarters away from graduating with an associates in surgical technology. I have maintained a 4.0 the entire time, am a mentor, and also a member of the Gamma Beta Phi Honor Society. Never thought I would or COULD be where I am today... I LOVE LOVE LOVE Surg Tech...
E is now almost 16 months old - he is amazing! He is growing so fast and has so much joy. I love when he smiles because his eyes smile too. It just melts your heart... <3
O is 5 and is still my little diva. She tends to get in trouble at school because she LOVES to talk... Her teacher actually sent me a note home saying "She's wearing me out"... lol... I wanted to send one back that said, "Now you know how we feel" LOL
J went to his first dance =) He had a great time. He is also playing basketball this year. He is growing up entirely too fast. He's having some problems with Math at school but has A/B in everything else.
A is 4 months clean. I am so incredibly proud of her. She looks like a totally different person. She looks like a gorgeous young woman. She comes and stays with us every so often.
Hubby is doing okay. He had to go into the hospital recently due to fluid build up around his heart and lungs as a result of the steroids. The steroids are rough on him. But he's doing better than he was...
We are in a very weird place in our lives right now. We are trying to work through it and get back on top but it's so hard when so many people have turned their backs on us. But I have decided I'm not going to focus on the friends that I lost (b/c if they were really my friends to start with, they would still be here with us instead of judging us). I'm going to focus on the friends we have. Because those are the ones that are our true friends. It's just hard b/c we are so scared to trust any of them. Because we did trust them and then we got stabbed in the back. But the main thing I try to remember is that we got each other. Hubby is my best friend. My family is my everything. I love them with all of my heart. I am so blessed to have them.
AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS
Here's what going on NOW....
I am 2 quarters away from graduating with an associates in surgical technology. I have maintained a 4.0 the entire time, am a mentor, and also a member of the Gamma Beta Phi Honor Society. Never thought I would or COULD be where I am today... I LOVE LOVE LOVE Surg Tech...
E is now almost 16 months old - he is amazing! He is growing so fast and has so much joy. I love when he smiles because his eyes smile too. It just melts your heart... <3
O is 5 and is still my little diva. She tends to get in trouble at school because she LOVES to talk... Her teacher actually sent me a note home saying "She's wearing me out"... lol... I wanted to send one back that said, "Now you know how we feel" LOL
J went to his first dance =) He had a great time. He is also playing basketball this year. He is growing up entirely too fast. He's having some problems with Math at school but has A/B in everything else.
A is 4 months clean. I am so incredibly proud of her. She looks like a totally different person. She looks like a gorgeous young woman. She comes and stays with us every so often.
Hubby is doing okay. He had to go into the hospital recently due to fluid build up around his heart and lungs as a result of the steroids. The steroids are rough on him. But he's doing better than he was...
We are in a very weird place in our lives right now. We are trying to work through it and get back on top but it's so hard when so many people have turned their backs on us. But I have decided I'm not going to focus on the friends that I lost (b/c if they were really my friends to start with, they would still be here with us instead of judging us). I'm going to focus on the friends we have. Because those are the ones that are our true friends. It's just hard b/c we are so scared to trust any of them. Because we did trust them and then we got stabbed in the back. But the main thing I try to remember is that we got each other. Hubby is my best friend. My family is my everything. I love them with all of my heart. I am so blessed to have them.
AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
YAY!
I am back online! Something happened to my blog and for an extended period of time, I was unable to log in. Crazy, huh? Sooooo - I guess an update is in store! We had our baby! He is now almost 6 months old and is the most amazingly happy baby. He loves to eat... lol!He is much bigger than the picture - It was taken shortly after he was born.I am doing great - I have decided to go back to school to follow my dream of Surgical Technology. I am so excited about it. I work during the day and go to school in the evenings. Busy, busy, busy.
A week after our baby was born, my husband started have severe double vision. We took him to the ER and they couldn't figure out what was going on with him. We saw several more physicians but long story short, he has been diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis. It has been a very difficult process. Imagine one day being fine, able to do what ever you want and than wake up the next day and all of the sudden the smallest of tasks leaves you with difficulty breathing, muscle weakness, difficulty walking, double vision.... It's been a process adjusting to our new life. He has to go in the hospital about every 4 weeks for treatment. It is so frustrating because it seems like the treatments are getting less and less effective. We go see a neuromuscular specialist on our 3rd anniversary. Hopefully he will have some new options for us.
The kids are all doing great. We all recently moved and are loving our new place. Guess that's all for today - I will be blogging more now. :) Leave me some comments, Come on folks, Show us some love! lol!
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